Helpless...

Yea, i guess thats the word to describe myself now. Helpless to someone in need.

It has been quite sometime since i pulled myself out the curtains of darkness. A period of time whereby I had to wear a mask wherever I go. A time when I need to face the reality. The reality that I was in the wrong.

Its always tough to admit you are in the wrong. (duh) Well... I had to. An unfortunate incident in school exposed myself to my own faults, my own vunerabilities. Thats me, being self-centered, stubborn. I still remember the words my friend told me, "You are sincere only when it comes to God. Other than that, your love for others is not wholehearted." "You care only about things which are beneficial to you." Tilll today I still don't know if thats true.. But i guess its better to believe that it is..

So now what? what what? what what what joash? what what nothing.... its just that when somebody finds fault in himself, he has to be a smart little boy and do something called 'learning from your mistakes and changing for the better!' Otherwise.. he has to prepare to face unforseen circumstances and get eaten up by a monster... (lame lame lame) So yea, its the route to learning or get defeated by the devil.

Joash's ways of winning the battle and kicking the devil in the face:

1. to overcome spirit of stubborness, you have to counter it with the spirit of teachableness... (is there such a word? my engish not very powderful ah.. my apologies)

2. overcome self-centerdness with selflessness!

3. start practising what i preach by loving others like how i love myself

4. not being indifferent to things which do not concern my intrest.

seriously.. its tougher then it looks.


Went to edwards house today... The poor guy's been down with chicken poks. Yea so aaron and me decided to pay him a visit. Taught him how to feel the "beat" while playing the guitar. (Hoped it helps you in your guitar playing buddy!)

Managed to talk to edward's mom... Shes very nice i must say. Always wanting the best for edward. Got to know so much more about edward... about how edward has changed over the past 2 years since he joined DR. However I got to hear the part of edward's sufferings.. edwards life. After hearing what she had to say, i just hope I could care for him more. Letting him know that he is being loved. And that no matter how people think of him. No matter what deficiency he has, he will always be loved by the Lord and us DR. His brothers and sisters in christ.

Sometimes, i feel so guilty, so bad... on my mind I tell myself I want to care for this brother wholeheartedly. However, at times, I give myself excuses, im feeling tired, that i find it hard to communicate with him. And then what happens.. i leave him alone and hopes that someone else from the youth group come along and keep him company.. Some wholeheartedness huh.

Is that what one as a chrisitian does? Being indifferent? Being selfish to suit one's intrest?


Heavenly father. I commit my faults and my sin onto the cross. Where Christ died for us. I pray that even though how many times i have hurt you, i ask for your forgiveness. Lord let me be able to battle stubborness with a teachable spirit. A self-centered mind with a selfless spirit. Lord i pray that your words be a living lamp upon my feet. Use me as your humble servant to bless other's in need. Lord most importantly, I pray for my precious brother edward. I commit his life into your hands. Lord even thou the world is full of standards and he may find difficulty to suit in, Lord let him know that he does not need to live up to the standards of the world. But i rather a life that is sought solely after you. Lord give him confidence in himself. Let him spill his heart out to you when he is trouble. For only you are wise enough to give him counsel. And finally, I pray for a healing Lord... Let our unwithering faith be strong pillars in the kingdom of heaven. Lord hear our cries...

Ok... I hope edward doesn't come across this blog.. He would be upset by my actions.. wait on second thoughts, I dun think anyone comes to my blog..

Lets end the post on a high note..

Heres a vedio of my polevault team.. Just for fun.